bottled-up

2009-06-07T14:31:00.002+08:00

I CANT WAIT

Resurrection was fuckin awesome yesterday!! all the bands were awesome, especially Meltgsnow, Bhelliom and Meza Virs. damn!! one of the best damn gigs this year, for sure. i only wish that sweetheart was there with me..

she has been away in UK for 9 days now, and the last message that i received from her was 7 days ago.. sighh.. i really really miss her, and i hope that shes alright. just gotta hang in there, she'll be back tomorrow.

*dont let our fears come true..

2009-05-29T00:15:00.002+08:00

Future..

just got home not long ago from town. was watchin Terminator: Salvation with Martien, Ezra and JJ. ok, firstly, the movie was kickass!! but sadly, i was so tired that i almost fall asleep. but i enjoyed the movie still. i was pretty surprised that Christian Bale did a pretty good job actin the role of John Conner. will watch it again soon, but together with the first 3 parts. heh. anyways, i finally got my CMSK report done last night, and handed it in this mornin. whew.. met Wafah for lunch and we did a lot catchin up. glad to see that she better now. went him to put down my stuff and headed how to town to meet the guys. i havent seen them in ages and i feel really bad to keep backin out on them everytime they ask me out. so yep, finally made it a point to ask them out. brings back old memories..

i love you baby, and i know that everythin is gonna be alright. we will make things better. i guess you goin away to the Lit trip to e UK would be a good chance to de-stress and settle certain thoughts.. aye.. thinkin about you goin makes me feel sad, im really gonna miss you.. )=

* my fears are back again, i need to stop makin the same mistake..

2009-05-26T22:38:00.003+08:00

A Heavy Heart...

oh my god, im so freakin tired. today has been one of the longest days since i entered TP. can you believe it? i stayed in school from 9am-7pm!! 10 freakin hours with only an hour of break. jeez.. anyways, we finally got some things done. our OOAD assignment is almost complete thanks to Kevin who convinced Zakiy and i to stay behind to complete it. Darren helped us out a whole lot. i think we would be totally lost if it wasnt for him. hahah. OH MY GOD!! TERM TESTS ARE STARTIN NEXT WEEK!! =/

* i miss you, sweetheart..

2009-05-26T00:08:00.004+08:00

FAITH AND TRUST..

i didnt go to school today. was kinda unwell so i rested at home and at the same time got some work done. OOAD was a killer. the assignment is fucked up. dumbass teacher never tells us the right answer even when we asked if we got things right. he only keeps sayin "i wont give you the fish, i will only show you how to fish." erghh!! feel like punchin him in the face. well, at least i finally got things done. now ive got a whole lot more to do..

ive been thinkin about it for a while now.. have i improved? have i learnt? have i learnt how to "listen"? i really dont know.. i really hope i have.. but im still afraid that im just reassurin myself so that it wont keep botherin me.. but it doesnt seem to work. i need you to guide me, though i am tryin to figure things out on my own. i need you stop me from makin the wrong moves, before its too late and we have to go through the same thing again. i wanna learn and i dont wanna keep makin the same mistakes..

* whats on your mind..? talk to me..

2009-05-20T10:06:00.002+08:00

STRESSED

omg, im like finally done with one of my assignments, and ive still have a report to finish by 9am tommorrow. i swear, poly life is retarded. ahh well, what to do.. anyways, today shall be a good day. gonna be having CSAD presentation later, and right after is French. heh. will be headin out to look for shoes and probably a jacket later in the evenin with Sathish and Dev.

I MISS ANI SO MUCH.. )= the last time i met her was last saturday, and im already dyin. hahahah. hopefully things go well tommorrow so we can meet up and have lunch or somethin. i miss snugglin up with her.. =/

2009-05-17T15:57:00.002+08:00

Crumble.

it has been such a long time since i blogged.. ive totally forgotten that i have one.. but i guess im back here because i really need someone to talk to, but it seems like im alone.

today i lost an old friend. it may hav been my fault for tellin people wat i heard, things that may not be true and i couldnt believe. and im sorry if it seems that im badmouthin you.

things arent goin so well.. im just really lost right now.. i really cant think straight. i need to say wat i want to say but somehow when i want to say it, nothin comes out. its not tt i wanna cut myself off on purpose, i dont even noe e reason for it.. i juz wanna make things right from now on.. its not goin to be easy but im willin to give it everythin ive got. after hearin wat you said, i realised how much i havent listened.. how much ive been shuttin myself away just when we're gettin somewhere.. what a lousy boyfriend i am.. or rather what a horrible person i am. you've said that im the best boyfriend, but after everythin, i think im probably the worst.. it hurts so much inside, but i'll have to deal with it alone. i just hope that things work out and that i am able to pull myself and everythin else back together.

*im a horrible person.. i need to change.. i have to..

2008-12-17T00:54:00.003+08:00

exhausted..

i have no idea way am i so freakin tired today. maybe its just the weather, or maybe i just been sleepin too much. jammed with the band today, but without tharen cause he was still in M'sia. hes back already if im not wrong. we had a few mistakes but i think it should cause much of a problem. yep. met up with baby, nick, sara n nina at Cityhall. we just walked around alot before havin dinner at Marina Square burgerking. oh yah, we had sheesha at Haji Lane. finally had it after so long, though the place is so much different now. aye.. i planned to study this week, but i guess its only gonna happen later in the day. sighh.. i gotta get started.. anyways, baby and i took a cab home. i dropped her off at an ATM near to her place cause she needed to draw some cash and continued on home. there was a song that goes somethin like, "id rather spend bad times with you, than have good times with anyone else." man, its stuck in my head.. erghh..

*i dont wanna be sensitive like before.. im thinkin and worryin too much again.. the past isnt goin to repeat itself.. no, im convinced that it wont. everythin is fine, everythin will be alright.. i know it will..

2008-11-29T22:41:00.002+08:00

song: act appalled - Circa Survive

omg, im so freakin sleepy. i swear, i hate to fall asleep in the bus or train home. so freakin annoyin. ergh!! anyways, sighh.. i have so much work to do but i dont know how to start on them. i should really get started but im missin out on alot of information that i need. guess i'll be gettin shitty marks aye.. sighh.. hmm was just out with the guys and all. we were suppose to do work but we all ended up doin nonsense. erghh!! frustration!! was starvin all the way until 9 or so.. had mee goreng and mutton soup. killer combination man!! im so gonna die from heart failure. hahaha. ok, thats a pretty scary joke. aye.

you know, ive been feelin very empty these days.. ever since Anisiah left for India. i wish so much that she could come back sooner but i guess i'll juz have to bear with it for another 18 more days. im just very worried because of the bombings in Mumbai. sighh.. please be safe baby. god, i miss her so very much.. ):

*maybe this is a test for us to prove how strong our love is.. i wont allow anythin or anybody to come between us.

2008-11-22T23:08:00.002+08:00

song: focus shift - Dark Tranquility

omg, these past 2 days has been seriously crazy. last night, the guys and i were at a chalet. omg, we had soooooo much trouble findin our way there. until we got there and realised it was near OCH. aye.. anyways, the chalet was pretty fun. tonnes of food and booze yo!! i know the guys enjoyed themselves because there were many girls. heh. sighh, i wish Anisiah was there too.. ): oh well.. omg, huda was there too!! small world seriously. hahaha. i can honestly say i got super high. was talkin a whole lot of nonsense and laughed retardedly. hahaha. thank goodness there was actually a room for us to sleep in. would be loads more comfortable if it wasnt so cold and if huda didnt pour the drinks on me. aye..

anyways, we had to rush off in the mornin because we had sathish and i had plans to go to sentosa with florence, christian and suria. so yep, we took an hour bus ride on 109 to serangoon and changin to 853 headin to potong pasir before changin to 147 to my place. hahaha. met up with the rest after we bathed and all and headed to habourfront. im kinda lazy to type out everythin that happened today so im just gonna talk about the highlights. heh. i had my cold-cut trio from subway for dinner!! and baby called me all the way from india!! whee!! i swear i was super happy when i got her call. hehe. yah..

i swear im like super tired right now. sighh if only i could squish her to sleep.. i guess i'll hav to wait for another 4weeks for that to happen. i just miss everythin about her.. especially her lovin touch and of course her nonsensicalness. hehe.

aite aite, id better go bathe now. covered with sand and god knows what. so yep, ciao!!

2008-11-20T00:44:00.002+08:00

song: still alive - Nocturnal Rites

aye, how long has it been since my last entry.. man.. i know this blog seems a little dead, but yah, i'll try my best to blog more often. hmm well, these past 2 days has been quite a torture.. not havin Anisiah around really sucks the life outta me. sighh.. i gotta say, im very much in love with her. nono, she hasnt left me or ignorin me or anythin.. shes just away in India visitin her mom. i hope shes havin a good time though. i just received a 2nd text from her. damn.. i shouldve replied to the first one. i thought i shouldnt reply since she was usin her moms phone. argh!! stupid me!! sighh oh well.. i cant update much since i gotta be up early in the mornin. so yep.. ciao!!

[[ she thinks that i look like a pirate. aye.. ]]

[[ just stay with me, please.. ]]

*i love you so much.. and i know i cant promise this, but i'll try very very hard to make you happy and to never hurt you.. *squish*

2008-10-31T02:21:00.003+08:00

song: worried about ray - the Hoosiers

aye i really havent been updatin much. guess its because ive been out alot lately and im pretty lazy to update as well. hmm well today started off very messy. i had my toenail removed cause of the damned ingrown toenail thing, plus somethin happened that made me had to go to the hospital to get the doc to see it. so anyways, i had to get my dressin change cause some fuckin private doctor near my place had to change the dressin when he doesnt know how to do it at all. so yep, i met Dev and we were headin to ToaPayoh Polyclinic to change my dressin again when i realised i forgot to bring my medical stuff. erghh.. so we rushed back home and headed for the clinic again. got my dressin change(it was sick man) and met sathish before headin to Dhoby Ghaut to meet the guys. we were huntin for Halloween costumes. i bought this funny lookin mask that looks like a George Bush with a knife stuck into his head. hahahah. all of us have been foolin around with it. time flew by fast and before i knew it, i was slackin at Devs house with R.E.D.S., Anisiah and her sis. we just chill and laughed and the usual. thank goodness im back home. seriously exhausted man..

*i wish theres a better way to say this.. but to put it simple.. i love you.

2008-10-14T02:49:00.003+08:00

song: kiss me - the Cranberries

aye, so many things have been happenin since i got back. ive been out so much that i didnt even have the time to blog!! aye.. well yesterday was a special day. it was the 1month anniversary of Anisiah n i. happy one month dear!! hehe. gosh it was such a messy day for me before i meet her. aye.. had to run around so much. but at the end of the day, just sittin there with her just makes me so darn happy (:

[[ strike up the band and make the fireflies dance silvermoon sparkling.. so kiss me ]]

*you mean so much to me.. i lost so much before, and im really afraid i might lose you too.. so please tell me you'll stay.. i love you baby

2008-10-01T03:54:00.002+08:00

song: crazy angel - Kill Hannah

aye.. ive been goin on a Kill Hannah craze since yesterday. theyre just so awesome. they give me a feelin like im just driftin in my mind. takes me to a place where i can get away from everythin until im ready to face them. its not like i have problems or anythin. just sayin how it makes me feel. yerps (: anyways, went to e Hilton Hotel to take pics and have some coffee today. YES!! we can buy food outside now!! you have no idea how horrible it is here, durin the fastin month, we all the food places are closed because the arabs are fastin. that means we gotta "fast" with them too. erghh!! ahh well.. at least its the Eid now, so the shops are all open now. yerps yerps. well.. i just got home from my moms friends place, they invited us for dinner. thank goodness tanya was there, or it wouldve been so awkward. aye.. ok, im gonna be random now. 3 MORE DAYS BALLS!! WOOHOO!! hehe

*3 days baby.. just another 3 days to go (:

2008-09-29T02:25:00.002+08:00

song: the collapse - Kill Hannah

well well well.. looky looky here, just another 5 days more and i'll be back in SG!! woohoo!! im gettin pretty excited about it. hahah. well i havent been updatin much because ive been headin out quite abit and im always too tired(lazy actually ;P) to do so. chris came over the other time, hes still the same nonsensically talkative skinny fella i met so many years ago. hahah. been meetin tanya too. gosh she always look so different everytime i see her. she just got into Heroes!! yay another person to talk Heroes with. hahaha. well ive been takin a number of shots these past 2 days. i havent uploaded them yet though, just half of them. shall go so tomorrow if im not doin anythin. yepyep. gosh i miss the guys back in SG. i miss anisiah too. aye i hope she'll do well for her exams(hope you'll do well dear). anyways, aunty jennifer is comin to Kuwait with her bf brian tonight, gonna go with my mom to pick them up from the airport in abit later. aye.. im havin abit of a headache right now.. i think i overloaded on the hyperness just now. hahaha. oh btw, Belphegor is WOOHOO AWESOME!!

*hey you, dont think too much ok? i dont want you to worry so much about anythin, especially our relationship.. lets just be happy and enjoy this ok? (:

2008-09-22T01:18:00.005+08:00

song: metalingus - Alter Bridge / forever - Papa Roach

hey ho!! i swear im in a freakin high mood now. and i just ate a kitkat chunky, so i might sound a little more retarded than i usually am towards the end of this entry. hahaha. well guess what people!! i finally got my DSLR!! woohoo!! a Nikon D60. its a decent one, but its good enough for me since ive just started and im still learnin. mhmm. just spent some time with my mom and all. had a chat with baby online today. aye!! i really really miss her. there are so many things awaitin me once i get off the plane in Singapore. baby will be there to fetch me, the band will be lookin forward to jammin again, a full-blown metal gig to attend to, a party after the gig and i'll be spendin the whole night with baby. man i seriously cant wait now!! AHHH!! hahah told you i might sound crazy. heh

i finally got my cam and im puttin it to the test (:

*aye im really feelin that song by A Fine Frenzy, "near to you". after that REALLY random dream, i realise exactly how much you mean to me. hmm well, its just another 12 days to go babe. i miss you

2008-09-17T02:11:00.005+08:00

song: valley of the damned - Dragonforce

ok, im seriously experiencin mega jetlag right now. i can hardly keep my eyes open but im gonna blog anyways since it has been quite sometime already. well most of you dont know this, but yah, im in kuwait right now. i only told a few people. yah.. sorry to those whom i didnt inform. anyways, the flight was about 10hrs. always hated the flight.. damned arabs always have to piss me off.. oh well.. it was fun before i got on the plane though, had sathish, dev, randy and jiating to accompany me before i go in. seriously, thanks guys, had a freakin blast man. hahha.

[[dev says "charge!!", and randy was like "fuck you la!!"]]

[[sathish should consider workin in OT]]

[[randy, the drunk ahpek]]

[[i swear, we arent this decent]]

im like missin so many people, the band, the st pat guys, REDS, SA guys.. but right now, the person im missin the most is my anisiah. omg, i miss u so much baby!! rahh!! i wish i didnt have to leave so soon. but i'll be back soon to give you a big bear hug!! hehe. hmm i know youre stressin about your exams dear, but dont push yourself too hard ok? just do your best, you'll be fine (:

ok, thats it.. i cant take it anymore, im goin to bed. nights!!

*how i wish i could hold you in my arms and never have to let go.. (:

2008-09-11T15:39:00.002+08:00

song: bleak - Opeth

how nice is this.. i thought i managed to scrape through my exams, although i failed one.. but i have a GPA of 1.17.. and thats not good.. i dont think i'll be able to go on for the next semester, i might have to retain.. its either that, or i'll have to drop out.. im dont mind droppin out if i could go to ITE to do a finance or business course tho.. but oh well.. im just gonna enjoy my holidays for now and see how things go.. hmm anyways, i met Anisiah yesterday. we just hung around for awhile before meetin sathish for dinner. and it was the usual, we just talked alot of nonsense and laugh and stuff. hahaha. oh well.. oh yah!! i almost forgot, i'll be leavin for Kuwait on monday night. cant wait!!

*so close to tellin you how i feel.. sighh, im gonna miss you when im away.

2008-09-05T10:23:00.003+08:00

song: still fly - the Devil Wears Prada

ok, seriously, i havent updated in a LOOOOOONG time. been out alot i guess. not just alot, been out til lyk really late too. the latest ive been home is like 8am in the mornin. well.. things are fine i guess. alot better than the past 11-12mths i must say. i guess ive recovered (: but i still have abit of a temper which i wanna get rid of.. hate it when i get grumpy over small things. anyways, i met this girl not too long ago. we've been hangin out quite abit. and i think im havin quite a crush on her. shes alot like me really. we have alot of the same interest and all. theres just somethin about her that draws me towards her. im just unsure if i should give it a try.. what if she doesnt feel the same.. we have so much in common, personality wise too.. what if our personalities crash? oh well.. i guess i'll wait and see.. just go with the flow and see how things go.

2008-08-18T20:50:00.002+08:00

song: menghapus jejakmu - PeterPan

looks like its another day wasted today. didnt even get any work done. i didnt even try.. sighh.. i really gotta get started or im gonna fail my exams. and right now, i really cant afford that. well ive been like sick for the past 3 days.. the worse was yesterday when my nose just wouldnt stop gettin stuck and i couldnt stop coughin. had to get one of those nose inhaler thingys to help unblock my nose. it kinda makes me feel like one of those ahpeks. hahaha. anyways, been stayin away from home and hangin out with the guys alot. startin to really dislike bein at home with people around. i know i shouldnt be doin this to my family, but i just dont feel that its a family anymore.. maybe its just me.. anyways, finally got to talk to a friend today, after so long.. but somehow, i feel shes just tryin to get away from me.. i hope my gut feelin turns out to be wrong. oh man.. its rainin and im freezin!!

*its time for me to take some time, to find myself again..

2008-08-16T12:36:00.002+08:00

song: always be my baby - David Cook

i feel like ive been goin out so often to get away from thinkin about a lot of things. but yesterday, i realised, theres no point.. those things always find a way back to me somehow. the only way i can get stop this is to face it and deal with it. honestly ive been tryin.. i just hope i dont give up tryin..

*ive never liked this song.. it was playin everywhere i went and i just cant help but to think of you again. sighh.. get a grip on yourself lyon.. its time to move on..

2008-08-11T23:39:00.003+08:00

song: love you to death - Kill Hannah

"The craziest thing I have done for love is..
to make a custom-made teddy bear with my own recorded voice saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!! I LOVE YOU!!" for the girl i love, in the middle of the crowd and giving it to her for her birthday."
Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008.
Originator blog: http://matthew-zachary.blogspot.com/

---
HELLO. You can earn a chance to catch the movie, "Wall-E" with us! Doesnt matter if you dont know Matthew because I will be there. Haha xD What you basically have to do is to post an entry on YOUR BLOG recounting the craziest thing you have done for love, signing off with "Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008." and then linking to Matthew's blog (http://matthew-zachary.blogspot.com) as the originator of the blog. And you are done! So basically, you can just copy and paste whatever I typed above the dashes and change whatever in italic to whatever applies to you.The winner will be determined by the most number of people who linked to his or her blog as the originator, thus forming the longest "chain". The competition ends on 11th August (2359hrs)!You can leave a tag/msg me on MSN after you done so! :DBlog and link him now!We might all get to catch the movie together for free!
-

ok, i dunno how this works.. but yah, shall just give it a try. hahah Wall-E looks pretty cute to be honest.. haahhah.

2008-08-06T22:32:00.003+08:00

song: welcome home - Coheed and Cambria

im like hell tired but ive got so much to do. by right, i shouldnt be wastin time on this entry but i guess i just cant seem to concentrate. yesterday was just so screwed up.. problems after problems after problems. sighh.. i dont know.. i guess there are alot of things that i shouldve avoided doin. erghh!! i had a good talk with a friend last night. we were suppose to be talkin about her problems, but it seemed to lead to my problems too. i feel really bad for bringin up my problems. and its the same one over and over again. shes right, its time to really let go. theres no hope between my ex and i, i know there isnt and its time i accepted that fact for real. sighh.. i wish someone would just lend me a hand and pull me out of this.. there was one person who was really there for me, and i pushed her away.. things would have been tough between us, but she always did stuck by me every single time.. i guess im in this on my own. i can do it.. i hope i can..

*i'll never understand whats goin through your mind.. and its time i try harder to let you go. i'll always remember every moment spend together with you, i hope you'll treasure those times too. as long as youre happy..

2008-08-05T17:55:00.003+08:00

feelin: shitty

today is just so messed up.. im feelin so screwed up right now. ergh, and i still have to stress over WDS.. sighh.. this mornin, i had a conflict with a classmate. i admit it was my fault for insultin her to my friends. i know it was somethin really mean and im really feelin sorry and guilty over it. but she really shouldnt have done the things she did. she really shouldnt have picked on another classmate and say mean things to her and she couldve been less selfish and more polite. i mean seriously, there are always reasons why people dont like someone. you just have to find out what it is and if its true, admit it. and please, im not upset over the class rep position because i didnt wanna be the class rep in the first place.. if you happen to be readin this, dont be so quick to get angry, understand the situation first. if im wrong, tell me i am.

more problems came up just when i thought i could get away from everythin when i got home. sighh.. looks like the pressure is on me again. how the hell can i make things better when i made promises before? i wish i could just snap my fingers and make everythin better, but im not a God.. i would if i am a God, but im not. i still dont understand how someone can do this to a person who loves her so much..

2008-08-03T13:25:00.007+08:00

song: the sound of muzak - Porcupine Tree

ive found out and realised a lot of things lately. everythin juz disappoint me these days. the people i thought i knew for so long, changed so rapidly. theyve changed into people ive never met before, like random people you see on the streets. and its amazin how they could treat someone and act the way they do now. "amazin" isnt the right word, "disappointin" fits in better..

i know that everyone is somehow selfish to a certain extend.. but to abandon someone to save yourself?? i dont know how someone can actually do that.. maybe i do.. i admit that im capable of that and might have done that before.. but the guilt always sets in.. and it stays there.. people do not realise how it affects the people they abandon. they think they can just leave whenever they feel things are gettin to tough. what ever happened to "i'll always be by your side"? lies..

lies and more lies.. people never mean it when they say "i cant imagine my life without you", "i'll always be there to love you".. hey, one advice, dont say it if you dont mean it. you people have no idea how it can affect someones life when you leave that person. if you truely love someone, all you ever need to say is simple "i love you". do not give promises that you will not keep.

and why do people always want more and more. why cant they just be happy with what they have? yah, its in human nature to be greedy. but dont use that as an excuse. humans can make choices. its always your choice that ultimately affects the outcome.

regrets? come on man.. people say that they regret somethin, but do they actually learn their lesson?? many do not. i know so many people who never do. whats the point of lyin to people. maybe you feel better sayin it out and tryin to lie to yourself. save it, seriously. im sick and tired of people who dont mean half the shit they say.

im just so angry and disappointed in everyone, includin myself. ive seen the ugly side of people. what they can say or do.. even the nicest person turns ugly on the inside sometimes.. im really tired.. im tired of people not tryin.. im tired of people who knows what they should do but never does it.. im tired of people who dont mean what they say.. and most of all, im sick and tired of people who cheat and lie to save their own ass.. im not sayin that im perfect, i know im not. people tell me im really nice, but they dont know all the negative things about me.. you people dont know me and will never understand me.

*i promised myself that that day would be the last.. but i still think about the times we had. and i still miss you. its about time i try harder to let go.. i know it'll be easier now, knowin that you dont...............

2008-07-31T20:07:00.002+08:00

current band: Arsis

gosh.. less than a week to submission date than i havent done a single thing on WDS. majorly screwed man!! oh well.. meh. hahah. well.. i guess im startin to get into the mood to mug. thats makes up for takin the day off today i hope. anyways, was readin on the CARC and i realise how far ive been laggin behind. time to buck up lyon!! anyways, was watchin the Ruins with my classmates last night. you guys should watch it if youre about to take the thrill and gore. seriously, the plot is somethin new. really liked it. hahah. will be checkin out Pathology tonight. Milo Ventimiglia will be one this one. from the looks of it and from the ratings, it looks pretty good. hope it wont disappoint.

*it has been awhile, yet no response. hmm alright, i get it.

2008-07-28T22:38:00.002+08:00

song: when you look me in the eyes - the Jonas Brothers

omg.. looks like im skippin WDS tomorrow. damned assignments!! i HATE it!! erghh.. anyways, i find that my mind and feelings are like seriously messed up.. what the heck is wrong with me.. this isnt the way that i usually am.. ive got to make up my mind..

*i'll wait for you, but i cant wait forever..

2008-07-27T12:24:00.002+08:00

song: in and above man - Moonspell

i think ive been thinkin too much these days. i guess thats the reason why ive been so tired.. mentally tired.. i just dont understand whats happenin. im tryin my best to.. but just when i thought i know where everythin is headin, i have to find out somethin.. she asked me not to wait, told me that shes not worth the wait. and this isnt the first.. why does all these things that i wait for always never fail to end up a nightmare.. arent things suppose to get better if we wait patiently? a friend once asked me, "am i really that unlovable?". im startin to think that too.. am i really that unlovable?

*im always standin behind, blocked by people who always stand out.. even when i try my best, theres always someone who gets the better of the things that i wish for. why is that? am i that insignificant?

2008-07-25T11:53:00.004+08:00

song: cater 2 you - Destinys Child

cant believe ive been so busy that i dont even have the time to do a short update. well.. this past week has been a real rush. IISO reports werent done, CARC presentation was in a mess. im just surprised that at the end of the day everythin turned out pretty alright. yep.. got to meet N for a little while on wed. hmm looks like i have work later on.. sighh.. feelin so darn lazy to go..

*somehow, i just feel that you feel everythin was a mistake..

2008-07-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

feelin: lost

today wasnt anythin special really. went down to downtown east to help set up everythin for irahs birthday BBQ. got to see all of her bestfriends again after such a long time. didnt stay for long cause i had to meet up with martien and his family. so i rushed off and yah.. it was a hell long trip to town from pasir ris. hahha.. met them and we had dinner at sakae sushi. i felt so bad about the dinner and the movie. ): martiens dad paid everythin for me.. sighh.. they were tellin me to go to australia with them in 4-5years time. temptin.. i guess i'll consider it someday.

for the past few days, ive been thinkin about friday.. its definitely somethin i'll never forget. im feelin really happy but confused.. maybe i guess i gotta have a little patience and give it a little time..

*ive made my sacrifices, and now im waitin for you..

2008-07-15T23:57:00.007+08:00

song: always be my baby - David Cook

today was a pretty rush day. ran to SAS like first thing in the mornin to collect my Olevel cert and testimonial. all the teachers say i changed alot. hahah, must be the hair i guess. anyways, went to school with kevin. school was alright, except for the bad stomach ache i had. hmm peggy yeo spoke to me about my results, i guess i should buck up like seriously.

anyways, the main event of today is irahs birthday!! HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!! hahah. met her at kembangan station and rushed to cityhall for her surprise. it was pretty funny how she didnt realise what her surprise was until someone came to ask if we wanna have a ride on the SG flyer. hahha shes so darn funny. we took a few pics on the flyer. she forced me to take a pic with a kid who was on it too. so weird!! pfft.. anyways, we went over to marina square to catch Hancock. actin, effects were all great. lousy plot. but i still like it though. the cinema was freakin cold!! i swear i was goin numb. hahha. well we sat down and talked for a little while, it was a little awkward but it was all good. mhmm. hmm sent her home and yep, now im back home on my bed. heh.

*it was definitely awesome!! i just realised exactly how much i.........

2008-07-11T00:42:00.004+08:00

song: california - Phantom Planet

really, im seriously tired.. ive never felt so tired in my life. but i cant sleep tonight. ive got a proposal to write up thats due lyk 9 hours from now. gotta do some dumb drawings and shit.. sighh.. anyways, today has been a really stressful day. was rushin for my java programmin cause it f*cked up on its own. had to do a lot of last minute edittin.. i was serious short fused today.. sighh.. oh yah, i bought a present for her today. a dress. i really hope she'll like it. it was funny how people looked at me when i took the dress. hahha.. oh well.. i guess id better get started on my proposal. no slp tonight..

*theyve been tellin me that it isnt worth it.. but i still hung on.. dont you see how much you mean to me? sighh.. right now, i really need you the most..

2008-07-04T12:32:00.002+08:00

pretty, if the sun wont shine
i'll be coming out to meet you
i'll be there to make you mine

pretty, if the rain will pour
i'll be knocking at your window
i'll be begging you for more

it is as if youve come along too soon
and im trying to fit you in
but i cant seem to find the room

cutie, if it all falls through
we can piece it back together
i can learn to trust you too

youre just too good to lose and cant refuse
so dont make me choose between the two
and burn up in here, in my atmosphere
dont you know who you are?
youre my shooting star

pretty teach me wrong from right
cause in love there are no answers
and in life there is no light

pretty, if the sun wont shine
now youve come this far to meet me
and i know, i know youre mine

*as much as i dont wanna admit it.. i do miss you..

2008-07-03T00:19:00.002+08:00

mood: confused

hello. i must say today has been sort of a last minute day for me. planned to not go for lessons but i ended up goin for all of it. rushed some last minute work for IISO. man i seriously dont like that subject. anyways, im kinda freaked out about my CARC lab teacher. i dont know, i just think hes weird.. oh well.. i joined nai and her friends after class. we just chilled out abit. we both got pretty annoyed with somethin.. i was more upset than annoyed actually. but hey, i tried my best with everythin so yah, theres nothin much i can do. hmm met up with the usual gang and nat and her friends. we had a few drinks somewhere in OT cause we kinda got kicked out of Chips. i swear, im really scared of trannys. like, seriously.. hmm after laughin at some trannys and makin friends with 3 black men, we headed to toapayoh to chill out a little bit. omg there was this cat that came along, it was so darn cute, friendly too. but it loves me more than the other. heh. yah.. well, i guess im back in my bed.. screw "home sweet home". "room sweet room" sounds better (:

*i dont know how much more i can take this.. treat me better than this, please..

2008-07-01T23:30:00.002+08:00

song: love in this club, part 2 - Usher ft Beyonce & Lil Wayne

i know i havent been bloggin much. guess ive just been so busy with work, school and my life. i must say, work was pretty good. i get paid, i dont need to spend cash on food because its provided and i get to get my mind off many things. the only problem is that i dont get to talk to my friends that much anymore. anyways, school has been alright. i didnt go to school today actually. was too tired.. met the guys from class 3ST in sec3. we had dinner and just caught up. i used my headband and they all called mea girl. kinda annoyin, but i guess thats somethin i miss about sec3, all the nonsense and stuff. we played a little pool bfore headin back.

yesterday was pretty tirin and worryin. a friend of mine got drunk because of some guy. she got so drunk that she just knocked out. so that guy and i looked after her. i felt like questionin him, but i guess its not my position to. honestly, look at how hes handlin the situation, i didnt really like it.. anyways, i cant help but feel really sad for her. i really hope someone will treat her right, she had enough of all these.. thats all she really needs. sighh oh well..

to that friend: hey you. just to let you know, youre not alone. you still have people who cares for you. so dont give up ok? you'll be fine. things will be better, i promise you. and you know how i am with promises. so hang in there ok? (:

*we're here together, so this must be something special. 'cause you could be anywhere you wanted but you decided to be here with me. no coincidence, it was meant to be..

2008-06-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

song: near to you - A Fine Frenzy

ok, it has been one hell of a long day. i jus got home from my first day of work. it was quite an experience really. kinda like it at work, but sometimes i just feel so lost. aye.. but before i talk about work, i shall talk about school. school was fine, i kinda knocked out in CARC class for a second before i woke up because the teacher was makin fun of me. hahha. hes one of the better teacher we have there. anyways, i rushed home to change and stuff before leavin. i swear, some cab drivers are freakin cheats. asked him to take the fastest way and he took a long way, even worse, he took his own sweet time. where i was to my work place was suppose to be fast, but i had to pay freakin 11bucks. whadaf.. oh well.. learnt quite abit at work today, the people are pretty alright. but some customers are just so grumpy. they could at least smile and be nice to people who are servin them. now i know what its like.. hahaa. oh well.. and oh oh!! the best part about this job is that we get to eat the food after the buffet ends. wahaha.

*near to you, i am healin but its takin so long. cause though shes gone and you are wonderful, its hard to move on..

2008-06-23T23:14:00.002+08:00

song: linger - the Cranberries

first day of school today. was so lazy to get off bed man.. hmm but it wasnt so bad. got to se the guys again. we hung out at TM durin our break. played at the arcade and stuff. so darn funny. hahah. as usual i knocked out in PRSP lecture. pfft.. i gotta wake up. no more slackin from tomorrow onwards!!

*9months now and im still thinkin about you.. even though i know im no longer in your heart.. you know im such a fool for you..

2008-06-22T16:14:00.002+08:00

song: i'll remember you - Skid Row

man another borin sunday. ergh.. and it doesnt help that im sick as well.. sighh.. oh well.. anyways, finally tried to mug a little yesterday. wasnt much, but at least i did a little. hehe. mugged with nai at east coast coffee bean. pretty nice place actually. yepyep. after that we grabbed a few drinks, sat down in front of the beach and just chill out. it was really nice though, the breeze, sound of the waves, the orange moon.. man.. hahaha. we just talked about things while drinkin, exhanged music and stuff. gotta do that again like sometime soon!! hahaha. and ive got a "slug" in my nose.. *SNNNNNNIFFFFFF!!*

2008-06-18T22:52:00.002+08:00

song: closer - Ne-Yo

today has been a pretty gloomy and cold day. im like freezin my butt off in bed right now. woke up at around 1 today. man, i should really stop goin out until late. oh well.. the rain was pretty nice though, i mean it has been so hot for days now, some rain would be nice. decided to go buy food today instead of stayin at home. talk a short walk and bought some chips and mutton briyani!! it want that nice though.. shouldve had chicken instead. pfft.. anyways, been watchin so many movies that tricia thinks im goin blind. hahaha. but that isnt stoppin me, im still watchin another movie tonight. heh. oh well, looks like im startin work tomorrow. oh yah, ive got a job interview too. dont know where though.. so.. meh.. hahha.

*and again, i find myself thinkin of you.. i thought i would stop, but could i be wrong?

2008-06-13T18:16:00.002+08:00

roars: UPDATE!!

swimmin was great today. felt so refreshed after swimmin. like i swam all my troubles away. hahha. shall do it more often whenever i can. heh.

2008-06-13T11:50:00.002+08:00

song: foundations - Kate Nash

been hangin outside til late quite often these days. maybe im just tryin to get away from home and stuff. sighh.. to be hoenst, i didnt really enjoy myself outside. yeah, it was fun and stuff, but i dont know, somethin was missin i guess. anyways, i dont know why im bloggin right now. i have nothin much to blog actually. aye.. silly huh?

*somethin is missin.. and i think i know what it is..

2008-06-08T02:16:00.004+08:00

i really wanted things to be better.. i hate doin this to someone.. all i can say is that im sorry..

*im an asshole..

2008-06-07T15:47:00.002+08:00

song: naive - the Kooks

man i feelin so darn tired. only got home at 6 and got my sleep at 7, only woke up at 2. hahha. anyways, about yesterday.. damned gig was so disorganised. everyones slot got pushed like 2hrs later. so many emo/hardcore kids.. they disgust me.. anyways, after a long wait, we went up to set up our stuff and guess wat, we got delayed further thanks to the previous band. their vocalist pulled down one of e speakers and it got damage. idiots.. anyways, it finaly got fixed and yah, we played and stuff. it was alright, but the drums were so screwed, i couldnt hear my amps at all. i made so many mistakes. ergh!! this is so stupid.. sighh.. i gotta improve more!! anyways, we went for a drink after and just hung out the whole night. we ran from cops, talk a whole lot of nonsense and just slacked around. hahaha. and man, im broke. heh

*how can this be done by such a smilin sweetheart..

2008-06-02T01:27:00.003+08:00

feelin: the after-effects of a successful performance

todays gig i must say, has been a success. responses were pretty good considerin its our first time performin as Stillborn up on stage. yep, i swear i was darn nervous before the thing. darn afraid i would screw it up. well i did made some mistakes but accordin to the guys, it wasnt that noticable. but still, gotta cut them off. it has to be perfect on the 6th of june at Homeclub. a big thank-you to those who came to support. the support is really appreciated. im just pretty unhappy with the crowd in general. the people there who there to just sit around, no support no nothin. freakin pricks.. anyways, thanks and sorry Fee!! for gettin us to play and for worryin so much about our money. hahha. overall, it was pretty awesome. and man, i swear it feels great to be up on stage. hahaha

*again, for the 2nd time.. well, i guess there nothin i can say or do..

2008-05-29T14:07:00.002+08:00

mood: not too good..

ok, im like stuck in PRSP lab lessons right now and im seriously bored as hell. i feel like goin home, i really need a recharge. but i doubt thats possible, with all the tests comin next week. sighh.. i just really tired.. i cant even enjoy myself ith my classmates today.. its hard to smile all of a sudden.. gosh, i sound so depressed.. ergh..

i dont know why im startin to feel it again.. why cant i get over this.. sighh..

2008-05-27T20:31:00.002+08:00

ROARS: I NEED A F-ING BREAK!!

i just got home, thinkin that maybe i can chill for today but no.. i just had to find out what to do for IISO.. and guess wat, 4-5 freakin pages on Human Resources Department. how the hell am i suppose to do that.. madness seriously.. sighh.. another late night again.. anyways, on the brighter side of things.. i didnt get screwed by peggy for my last minute WDS proposal. thank goodness.. and i might start workin at a restaurant in Downtown East. yep aint gonna be broke anymore. woohoo!! hahah. alright, i better go take a bath. need to wake myself up, was fallin asleep on the bus. IISO.. sighh..

2008-05-25T19:08:00.002+08:00

state of mind: a freakin mess!!

another borin sunday. as if its not bad enough, still have projects and homeworks to do. plus the freakin heat.. nice combination huh.. well.. im just in a mess right now. so many things in my head. as usual, negative things.. when will things work out for me..? when i try hard enough?? havent i tried hard enough already..? im just so tired with everyone pushin me aside.. again and again.. i just dont understand..

2008-05-24T10:16:00.002+08:00

somethin funny: i was runnin while eatin char kuay teow.

ok, seriously i need to cut down on my drinkin. ive been drinkin so much. sighh.. just went out with the guys to east coast for drinks again. thank gdness i didnt drink much. i got a little high but i was alert enough. ezra was there too, drinkin with his class. funny as hell!! he was talkin funny after 1 can of barons on an mpty stomach and the 2nd one made it worse. hahhaha. anyways, luckily dev paid for sathishs ride home, or else i wouldnt know how to get home.

hmm jammin was pretty good though. we ran through our whole gig set and it sounded pretty awesome. just a pity JTs pedals have to give way.

you know, ive got people comin up to me and tellin me things about my ex. all of it are things like they saw her out with another chinese guy. its like they want me to do somethin about it. no, theres nothin i can do and i dont wanna bother no more. its her life, its her choices, not mine.

anyways, away from all that.. i just wanna say i havent been so happy for a pretty long time. someone should know way. heh. (:

*i wish we werent so far apart..

2008-05-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

*i did, and the outcome was shockingly pleasant :D

2008-05-22T21:28:00.002+08:00

song: when you look me in the eyes - Jonas Brothers

gosh.. im feel like im just gonna fall apart. sighh.. it has been a busy week in school. tomorrow we're suppose to have an off day but we still gotta make the effort to go back to finish out projects. damn.. oh well, at least jammin wont be affected.. besides, its just a little more than a week before our gig. im pretty excited about it, a little nervous at the same time. hope it'll be awesome. anyways, im feelin really emotional about things today.. i have no idea why.. and im so darn confused about some things.. erghh.. why must things be so tough for me to make my decisions..

*should i just tell..?

2008-05-16T22:23:00.002+08:00

ROARS: POPPIN HOT POPCORNS FOR SALE!!

hahaha. lemme explain that.. today was CCN day in school. its an event where every freshy class have to sellin things to get funds for the needy people in the school. and as you see, we did popcorns. i shouted so much, now my throat hurts, i bit my lips on the inside 3x and im tired as hell. but it was great fun!! mhmm.. omg!! i saw that really pretty girl in school today, i saw her at burgerking on wednesday the other time. AHH!! so pretty!! haha. kkz, i better move on. anyways, everythin went smoothly although we made a small lost. hmm rushed back home to change and out again to meet Lia for coffee. it was a little awkward to be honest but it was really nice. and i got my coffee, yay!! hahah..

*sittin there today made me think about the wonderful times with her.. i know that it can never happen again.. now i can only hope to dream about it again and again..

2008-05-16T00:06:00.002+08:00

mood: tired, confused

had a long day in school today. lessons were pretty much borin but it was nice to have the usual people around to make school life interestin. theres nothin much to update but i dont know.. just felt like it i guess. i feel so tired of everythin for some weird reason. i know ive been really negative, but yah.. i cant help it really.. sighh.. anyways, jammin was pretty successful apart from us bein unable to jam We Will Rise by Arch Enemy. had dinner with jiating and waisun before headin back to TNT to watch Deus Ex Machina jam. theyre awesome as usual, funny as hell. we sat down and had coffee and a good laugh about random things. hahha, i swear, hangin out with them is darn fun. and now, im dead tired..

*its back again and im tryin not to break.. help me..

2008-05-14T17:45:00.005+08:00

song: breathe - Michelle Branch

im home and im dead tired.. which is weird because i had along sleep, kinda skipped lectures for that. heh. anyways, met up with mariam for lunch at burgerking. im gettin a little sick of it actually. been havin it so much. anyways, as listenin to mariams true ghost stories and im pretty freaked out now. man.. how can somethin like that happen.. scary stuff :S hmm i guess im gonna have an early night. its gonna be a long day in school tomorrow.. hmm im cravin for some coffee now.. hmm maybe a java chip.. Mmmmm..

*somehow.. i feel everyone is against me.. like they dislike me..

2008-05-11T14:30:00.002+08:00

song: lelaki ini - Anuar Zain

the pass few days as been pretty whacky. can you believe that we got harassed by a freakin tranny. for those who dont know what a tranny is, its a shemale. so yes, it is f*ckin disgustin!! i dont even wanna think about it, still recoverin from e shock of it. yuck.. anyways, we hungout all night on friday. you wont believe the things that can happen in one night. we made friends with a drunk man. witnessed a fight. and i tink 2 girl may have hinted me to join them in a toilet, which i didnt. dont worry, im not those kind. hmm and yah, finaly crashed at tharens place. oh yah!! we caught Antiht from Thailand at a gig last night. shit!! theyre freakin awesome. and the vocalist is so hot!! tried to take a single pic with her but it kept endin up as a group pic. hahaha oh well. made new friends anyways, pretty awesome stuff.

weird dream last night.. i had a dream about this girl im eyecandyin.. it was a pretty good dream.. but why do i feel so.. i dont know.. confused and uneasy inside.. maybe i still cant let go..

*lelaki ini yang selalu mencintamu. selalu, tanpa ragu. lelaki ini yang selalu memuja, hanya dirimu. yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku, sanubariku. aku yang mencintakan mu, hanya dirimu

2008-05-07T22:23:00.002+08:00

movie: What Happens In Vegas

just got home from town, was watchin a What Happens In Vegas with the classmates. its sucha good movie, you guys should really watch it!! i wouldve enjoyed it more though, if that hyper-active lady on my left wasnt laughin so crazily. anyways, school was pretty slack. nothin much happened really. just hung out with the usual. n OH, i had a talk with buddy-wafah!! it has been so long.. yah.. oh yah.. i saw my eyecandy again today.. but meh, just shes an eyecandy.

*strange enough.. i found myself missin you again.

2008-05-06T18:40:00.002+08:00

song: how do i breathe - Mario

i woke up 30mins earlier this mornin, because of a dream i had.. i was shocked, really. it felt so real.. the touch, the emotions, EVERYTHIN.. but no, it wasnt a good dream.. anyways, i did a mini operation on my really swollen toe. yes, the in-grow toenail one. i managed to get the problem out, so it stopped bleedin already and now i hope it will be alot better. yah.. school was long but pretty alright. tried for a job at CoffeeClub Harbourfront. i really hope i get the job. i seriously need some extra cash right now.. oh well..

2008-05-05T01:35:00.003+08:00

song: fields of gold - Olivia

its already 1.36am, i gotta wake up at 8, be in class by 10 and im still wide awake.. so many thoughts are runnin through my head. there are certain things, i know i shouldnt be thinkin about them anymore.. but i just cant stop.. i just dont understand.. how the hell did things change so fast and end up like that.. i really dont.. those whom i thought i knew so well, turned out to be someone else suddenly.. why.. how did this happen..? i dont know how to continue anymore.. im really confused.. im gonna sleep.. maybe all these will be gone after i open my eyes.. i really wish..

*tired..

2008-05-03T22:16:00.002+08:00

i just got home and i had a scoldin from dad. now i really hate it this house. i dont even wanna call it home anymore. this family so close to bein screwed and they dont know it. dad, you dont even know half of the shit i know and you should be grateful that you dont. i swear, i hate this house, the only place where i feel safe is my room..

*i hate it here.. i hate my life.. nothin ever goes right. just when i thought i have that one good thing, i lost everythin.. i hate it so bad..

2008-05-03T13:20:00.003+08:00

song: Home - Dream Theatre

i havent been updatin much.. just been so busy with my life.. so busy with school, friends, and family.. those of you who ive told about it, you would know.. i just cant believe that i actually found out such a thing.. im still stunned by the whole thing.. its funny that its just when i turned 18, i have to carry sucha burden on me. a secret i dont wanna keep, but i have to. i cant destroy my family, i will never..

*i really wish you were here, to comfort me, to be by my side again.. but you arent here.. its not like what it use to be.. its so.. different.. you are so different. i will get over this..

2008-04-24T20:27:00.002+08:00

song: all you wanted - Michelle Branch

ok, my toe is officially screwed. i should REALLY see a doctor about it. not now though, too many things to do. well.. tomorrow is it.. i made a promise to myself that whatever happens tomorrow, im gonna stay calm and say my piece. i should really lay everythin out, whether its pleasant or not.. and at the end of the day, its gonna end right there. no more of this, i had enough of thinkin about this.. and i had enough of hurtin and upsettin her. they were all right, if i really do love her, i should just let her go. and this time, i will..

*i know youre unhappy about al these.. i understand why.. but even if you wanna be angry with me, at least try to understand what i say..

2008-04-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

song: lelaki ini - Anuar Zain

ok, basically im bloggin right now cause im like really bored. im kinda sleepy actually, but yah, i'll sleep right after this. anyways, school ended early today. im startin to like not, pay attention in class. shit, not good!! i better concentrate more. been laughin to much with the guys. hahah. anyways, met up with tricia, nessa and jhansi!! omg, i been so long since i saw them. we watched Definitely, Maybe. interestin story really. heh. sathsih joined us afterwards and yeah, we had dinner at burger king(though trish and nessa call it hungry jacks in aussie). yah, they had to go back early cause of their retardedly crazy parents. so yah, sathish and i met mathan in town to like follow him get some stuff. and after a LONG walk in art-friend, we finally left for kfc at cineleisure. yes, i was hungry again. hahha. yah.. had a few good laughs before headin back home. im really tired and im not lookin forward to tomorrows schedule..

*things between us hasnt been good these few days.. and i know i caused all of it.. ive made up my mind, it'll end in 2 days..

2008-04-20T01:05:00.005+08:00

i just got home from havin my belated bday with her. honestly, i wish for more but this is enough. i mean, all i wanted to just to spend my birthday only with her and i just did. so i wont complain at all.. well, we met up at raffles place mrt and headed to one fullerton starbucks to watch a movie on my laptop. Freedom Writers, that was the title. it was good, i kinda like it. yah.. anyways, we were suppose to have dinner at coffee club but they closed early. so after walkin through boat quay, we ended up havin dinner at some seafood restaurant. we ordered like thai style fried rice, sambal prawns and chilli crab. it was pretty good food, but expensive too. yah, they didnt accept nets so i had to run to withdraw cash. funny thing is, i asked them twice before we went in and they said they do. stupid.. anyways, we kinda went back after dinner. i was a great birthday really..

i asked her a question. and right now im still thinkin about it. should i? maybe its better for her if i do.. but if i do, its gonna hurt me more than anythin else in the world..

*one has to be sacrificed in order for the other to be happy.. but can i really say goodbye?

2008-04-18T23:23:00.002+08:00

song: how could you - Mario

im dead tired. 3 days of the orientation camp just ended.. i guess im startin to warm up to everythin there, the people, my class and the place. yah.. i kinda like my class actually. there are people i can talk to, though there are some who somehow dislikes me. actually, i kinda feel that most of the people i meet dont really like me.. paranoid? oh well.. anyways, i danced again(yes, i know i said i would never again, but meh) at the jam&hop after the camp. pretty fun i guess, though i gotta admit i still cant dance.. oh well..

i just found out about it.. more like confirmed.. i dont deny that im jealous, upset and really hurt.. it dont deny it.. i wish i could just cry everythin out and hope i'll feel better. but i cant, nothin came out. as much as it hurts, i have to take another step back..

*its still a long way to go, anythin can happen.. but no matter what happens in the future, that one girl i love will always be you..

2008-04-13T21:15:00.002+08:00

songs: always - Bon Jovi
i dont wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith

these 2 songs.. hah.. such wonderful memories.. i asked a friend to describe me. both the good and bad things about me. i dont wanna talk about the good things about myself. just the flaws.. my friend told me just a few, but i have a few of my own to add.. so.. here it goes..

1) im too gullible. how true is that?? hahha. i think i can be a real fool at times. maybe thats why i can never tell what someone is thinkin, what someone wants, what someone really means.

2) im way too sensitive to certain things. all these weird thoughts and ideas just come flashin through my head.

3) so when im sensitive, i tend to over react and be pretty rush with my decisions. i wont be able to sit and think for a second. and at times i these, i end up annoyin certain people.

4) i always have choices with both good and bad outcomes, dependin on my choices. but most of the time, i choose those with bad outcomes. not by accident though. i know it'll end up horrible, but i take the risk anyways.. and for that, im a fool.

5) and lastly, this one is special. its actually somethin good about me, but at the same time its one of my greatest flaws. not bein able to let go. this got me into a lot of trouble on a few occasions, but i never learn my mistake. it keeps happenin over and over again.

so yah.. bet all of you will agree to that.. i just wish i can do so much more to be better..

*its gonna be a letdown..

2008-04-12T16:04:00.002+08:00

im bein sensitive again.. im over reactin again.. and people cant stand that.. i gotta stop bein like this.. as much as i wanna wait, i gotta stop havin my hopes up too high..

How Do I Breathe - Mario
it feels so different being here, i was so used to being next to you..
life for me is not the same, theres no one to turn to..
i dont know why i let it go too far. starting over, its so hard..
seems like everywhere i try to go, i keep thinking of you..

girl im losin my mind. yes i made a mistake.
i thought that you would be mine. guess the joke was on me.
i miss you so bad, i cant sleep. i wish i knew where you could be.
another dude is replacing me, God this cant be happening.

i cant get over you. no, baby i dont wanna let go.
no, girl you need to come home. girl come back to me
'cause girl you made it hard to breathe when youre not with me.

how do i breathe without you here by my side?
how will i see when your love brought me to the light?
where do i go when your heart's where i lay my head?
when youre not with me, how do I breathe.. how do I breathe?

2008-04-11T21:50:00.002+08:00

i need to blog.. i need to let it out.. i feel like ive been stripped off everythin once again.. i feel.. i cant take it anymore.. i can only blame it on myself for hopin.. i said i wont, but i did.. i wanna be alone.. wait, i already am alone..

*im tired.. i dont wanna be here anymore..

2008-04-10T02:05:00.006+08:00

song: let me love you - Mario

finally jammed at JT studios with the whole band again. been awhile man. fun fun. we compose 3 brand new songs just today. seriously, you can see how fast we're progressin. its encouragin really. and addin on to it is us bein able to play Crystal Mountain by Death. its not perfect, but we can do it!! yah.. we had dinner at LJS and hung around the park near jiatings place. we took quite a number of retarded pics. hahha. will upload them below. heh

*will you be there with me on that day..? i hope so..

[[ the lil boy in me ]]

[[ yes, thats a cig. yes, im fakin it. no, i DO NOT smoke ]]

[[ druggies ]]

[[ ok, what the hell is this monkey tryin to do?? ]]

[[ the retarded bunch. best pic of the day ]]

2008-04-07T22:05:00.003+08:00

song: endless love - Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey

woke up at 12 today feelin really drained.. i think its because ive been doin nothin at all.. or maybe its because im "sick". sighh.. anyways, met up with florence and sureli for a little while. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SURELI!! hahha. was just chattin with them until ezra came. had some korean food, bibimbab, at far east. i think the one at marina square was better. anyways, ezra and i left for simlim to check out some computer stuffies and i ended up buyin a speaker set. its pretty worth it actually. the bass is darn good!! im actually enjoyin it now. so yep, tts my day basically.

*im missin you so darn much right now

2008-04-04T22:44:00.003+08:00

song in my head: avatars of human blasphemy - Stillborn

avatars is done finally!! well my part only. but at least thats one load off my mind.. woke up at 6.30am today. had a really restless night. slept pretty early, loads earlier than usual actually. i was really tired, mentally tired.. sighh.. anyways, after loads of plan changes, we finally decide to finish our recordin and yep, we're more or less done. met JT and waisun for dinner with tharen at botak jones, had a drink after and chatted a little before meetin the st pats guys to chill for a little while.. im tired again.. i hope tonight wont be another restless night again.. sighh..

is it possible for love to turn into obsession? am i obsessed? sighh..

*im thinkin too much again.. sighh..

2008-04-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

song in my head: i swear - Boys II Men

ok my toe looks disgustin right now. it started bleedin again for no darn reason!! maybe i should just cut it off aye? argh.. anyways, todays jammin got cancelled and boy, jiating was pissed. oh well.. this isnt the first time anyways. so yah, i decided to meet ezra for lunch then chill out at his house. yah, we just chilled and stuff.. his dog got outta her cage and ran outta the house to take poop and came back in. hahha. how smart is that. hmm met up with the st pats guys after that to chill somemore. i seriously need somethin to do, as in somethin useful!! and i ate so much just now. seriously need to do somethin about that. hahha.

i realised ive been listenin an awful lot of love songs. especially the older ones.. well, this song "i swear" kinda gives me this image in my head. just she and i on the dancefloor, dancin slowly to this song. aye.. what a silly thing to think about huh.. sighh.. i know.. i guess that'll only happen in my dreams..

*and when just the two of us are there. you wont have to ask if i still care. 'cus as the time turns the page, my love wont age at all..

2008-03-30T03:49:00.005+08:00

song stuck in head: to be with you - Mr. Big

omg, i just got home. cant believe i was out for 16 hours!! hahha. well my day started off when i picked her up from her place to bugis to play some pool. i think shes my goodluck charm, i got pretty good with her around. hahah. anyways, the place was pretty nice. shall go there more often. then we headed off to raffles city to get some J.CO donuts and off to suntec macs to sit down and watch a movie on my laptop and found freakin pricks all hoggin the power outlets. so we went all around suntec, mainly the starbucks.. even tried at marina square and esplanade.. until finally!! we found a darn nice seat at the starbucks at one-fullerton. we sat down and she showed me some videos on youtube. it was pretty interestin, its amazin how people can sing so well. yep, so we watched Disturbia. it was pretty good. i enjoyed it and so did she but.. hahhaa.. okok, i wont be mean. it shall be a secret between she and i. we had dinner at burger king and talked about some things and yah.. its really nice to just listen to her. mhmm.. sent her home after dinner. it was all awesomely great, really..

rushed off to clarke quay to watch Thambi K Sieow perform. i dont really like the place. its like those clubbin places. yah.. but anyways, the performance was great. the mats n bengs were just bein pricks over there. we were all pissed off at them. after that we just chilled and stuff.. and i.. umm danced for the first time today. i was pretty weird but hey, who gives a shit. ws just dancin and makin funny new moves with the guys. mega funny!! thank goodness no girls danced with me. i wouldve just walked off. no joke. anyways, yah.. we hung out a lil more before headin home. it was fun tho, i mean like.. its the first time and all.. yepyep

*all i wanted you to know is that i still care.. i'll always be there for you even when i only have the smallest last breath. my feelings have never changed, in fact its stronger than ever. girl, youre beautiful and i cant stop thinkin about you..

2008-03-26T00:00:00.006+08:00

song in my head: everything is gonna be alright - Bob Marley

this song never fails to make me feel better about things. i guess i mustve been a lil emotional when i was writin my last post. i guess i forgot the reason why i was alot happier.. no, it wasnt because ive moved on. its because ive realised that it isnt about what i want. all that matters is that shes happy. im not tryin to say that im a nice guy or anythin. in fact, im a horrible guy really.. but i guess when you truely love that special someone, you'll do anythin to change for the better. especially after the.. umm after what happened.. ive learnt alot from it really. even though right now i wish so much for another chance, i cant have it and i wont ask.. its too much to ask of her.. so as long as shes happy..

Seoul Garden and beer and laughter with the guys.. priceless (:

*25 months of lovin you.. and countin..

2008-03-24T23:28:00.004+08:00

song in head: believe in nothing - Nevermore

argh!! i hate this feelin!! why do i aways have to end up feelin this way everytime i.... sighh.. you know, its always easy to help my friends feel better about things but when it comes to myself, im stuck.. argh!! LYON, YOURE F*CKIN PATHETIC!!

*i will not make the same mistakes again.. i will not make the same mistakes again.. i will not make the same mistakes again.. i will not make the same mistakes again.. i will not make the same mistakes again.. i will not make the same mistakes again.... i dont want to and i cant afford to.. i really dont want to.. please.. somebody, help me.. please..

2008-03-23T21:32:00.003+08:00

song in my head: with you - Chris Brown

i guess i wont complain, cause yesterday was all i need. met her in the evening. thank goodness i brought an umbrella for us to share, or we wouldve been stuck at Cineleisure. we were suppose to play pool, but its a pity the pool places were either closed or packed. so we decided we would find a place to just sit and talk. we searched all around and finally settled down at Coffee Bean at Paragon. there were these nice caucasian couple who told us we could have their dry seats. hahha. it was darn nice of them. so yep, i got her a Mocha Latte while i had a Hot Choco with a brownie and yah, we chatted. somethin was wrong with me though, i kept feelin so.. i dont know.. im darn happy that she was sittin right in front of me. but i was dyin on the inside.. i dont know why i was so sensitive.. sighh.. anyways, there was a live performance at the entrance of Paragon. the singer was good, really good. oh and we bumped into martien and his family there. what a coincidence. hahha. yah.. we didnt do much really, we just made our way to the train station and headed home. honestly, i wished for so much more.. but i guess thats enough for me.. hmm before i log off.. i have one question though, is it selfish of me to write about all these even though she knows very well im talkin about her?

*say you care for me.. you know i care for you.. you know that i'll be true.. you know that i wont lie.. you know that i would try to be your everythin..

2008-03-17T22:25:00.005+08:00

song in my head: all i need - Within Temptation

went for my enrolment medical examination today. was suppose to go to the one in toapayoh, but i only realised i didnt bring my medical form when i got off the bus. so i had to go home and ended up headin to the one at somerset with ezra. yah, we just hangout and stuff before i met natassya, sathish, diki and dave at toapayoh.

today, i felt like how i felt before our last fight. i dont wanna do anythin foolish. i'll do anythin to make sure i keep my word.. even if it means to......

*dont tear me down
for all i need
give my heart a better place
give me somethin i can believe

2008-03-16T18:34:00.006+08:00

song in my head: untukmu sayang - Amuk/Febians

omg, i cant believe i actually woke up at 3.30pm today. man.. guess a whole day of gigs and an overnight party wasnt sucha good idea huh. hahha. watched tharen perform with En'Strung and guess who i bumped into at the train station.. wati!! hahaha. yah, we left the gig place soon after the performance to watch Withered Tree perform at youth park. couldnt stand the gig place. anyways, Withered Tree was great. but some asshole maht hit me pretty hard before the mosh started. i swear, i wanted to fuckin kill him.. fuckin bastard ran off after he hit me and only came back when i left. anyways, headed for someone birthday party and we got pretty high on drinks. made a special mix when i was already tipsy. its good, i swear. hahaha. yah, only got home at 6.30am. oh yah, special thanks to Zul for helpin me translate the song. im not sure if it right, but it should basically be it.

i had a dream when i was sleepin just now.. sighh.. it was about her still havin feelings for me.. many things have been happenin.. are these signs? sighh.. maybe ive been thinkin too much again..

*i miss you..

the unexplainable beauty of the rainbow
is as wonderful as you, my love
it remains etched in my heart

the sweet scent of flora
is meant only for you, my love
like the sand and the seas
we will never part

my tender lovin care
is only dedicated to you
ive pledged that youre the only one who belongs in my heart
forever and always
my love.. for you, my love

2008-03-13T21:31:00.003+08:00

song in my head: alive and kickin' - Mr. Big

ahh my lips are burnin and im sweatin. that briyani is spicy man.. but it wasnt worth it. they gave me shit chicken!! the last drum+thigh got taken just before me and the person who took it was some fuckin irritatin malay auntie who cut in front of me. bloody bitch.. and i thought i was bein nice lettin her off. oh well.. anyways, i met up with the girlbestie today. bein out with her makes me darn happy. hmm yah, we had lunch at LJS at marina square then went around searchin for a hair-straightener which we finally found at Carefour. yah.. we were watchin Step Up2. it was pretty good but we both agreed the first one was better. yah.. honestly, im glad i got to see her today..

*you were right there.. and yet.. sighh.. no.. i cant be selfish and think only for myself.. i guess after bein apart for so long, it made me miss you more and more..

2008-03-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

song in my head: 2 become 1 - Paul Gilbert (Spice Girls/Led Zepplin/Black Sabbath cover)

its cold!! aye.. i shouldnt have left everythin to the last minute. gotta do so many darn things for the poly enrolment thingy. ergh!! oh well.. anyways, i met up with murny to play pool today. what bad luck man, i kept losin. hahha. maybe i just suck now. well, we went to at somethin after that at serangoon. we almost walked out on the restaurant, yes a restaurant in the middle of serangoon central hahha. anyways, we almst walked out because the jacked up the price. thank goodness we found the student menu. so we stayed and chatted about a lot of things. most about secondary school life and some other stuff. yepyep. i startin to become a huge fan of paul gilbert. hes amazin i swear. ahh i wanna play like him.. gotta work hard!!

*thursday.. i cant wait :)

2008-03-09T21:42:00.003+08:00

song in mind: to be with you - Mr. Big

i dont like sundays. its so freakin borin!! ergh.. i wish i had somethin to do. actually, i as suppose to go to the beach with florence and her friends. but there was a change plans and it got postponed to friday. so yah, i stayed at home and finished Dexter. now i just cant wait for season3 to be out. yepyep. oh oh!! and i just got my allowance so im not broke anymore!! woohoo!! hahaha. ok, that was random.

you know im kinda proud of myself now. i think ive been a lot more patient and understand. i admit im still quite sensitive, but not as bad as before. i guess i have a better grip on my emotions these days, better control. honestly, ive been a lot happier after realisin a few things. i just hope this isnt temporary and that im not livin in self-denial..

2008-03-09T03:05:00.002+08:00

song in mind: -

ok, im just super glad i got home safely. i swear, im darn jumpy and freaked out now and i swear im not lyin. dave just HAD to show us the messed up pics of sathish and they were watchin some videos of haunted places. it seriously gives me the chills.. anyways, was at shyam rajs party just now. it was pretty borin at first but it got pretty alright towards the end. got to meet a few people and stuff. gotta admit i drank a little too much ad got tipsy. but it was fun overall. damn.. i keep thinkin i have whisky in my mouth and i dont like it. hate the taste to be honest. eeerk..

*hmm.. somebody had to ask the stupidest question today. lemme repeat this, i love only ONE girl and no other. yes, i did have a crush on someone in the past but its a mistake i regret and will never ever make again. my heart is only for one girl and i dont think that is about to change anytime soon.. or maybe not ever..

2008-03-07T21:24:00.003+08:00

hooked to: you dont miss your water(until the well runs dry) - Craig David

errrkk.. i feel so filthy right now. ive been out and got back 3hrs ago and i havent taken my bath. bet all of you are disgusted. hahha. anyways, i woke up at 11.30am today. im such a pig. met up with martien, florence, sureli and shaun to chill out in town. just walked around and stuff, nothin much really. honestly, town is gettin pretty borin. yep. we met shauns friend. i swear, that guy and his gf are weird. they look like a bull and cow with the nose ring thingy. hahha. ok, thats mean. oh yah!! the girlbestie got a B for her A'level Malay!! darn happy for her!! congrats (:

*lookin at your photographs, thinkin how beautiful you are..

2008-03-05T22:32:00.004+08:00

hooked to: untukmu sayang - Amuk

oh yes!! ive finally fixed the friggin template. what a relieve man.. hahha. anyways, these past few days have been tirin. went out so much that im broke. yah.. so now, im gonna try stay at home to save some cash. need to pay up for so many things. sighh.. anyways, im really hooked to this song. dont look at me like im turnin into some maht ok!! i just like it song. though i wish i know the whole translation.

*i wish for so much more.. but right now, i just want you to do well..

2008-02-27T22:09:00.002+08:00

hooked to: wont go home without you - Maroon 5

well well well.. today has been sucky at home.. this is why i have to get out, so i wont do stupid things.. sighh.. i gotta try harder. anyways, Stillborn is gonna do its recordin tomorrow at TNT!! woohoo!! just cant wait for it to be done. hmm there are 2 people i need to thank.. martien and ezra, my 2 best buddies who were there for me that day.. thanks KATIK and GEMUK!! hahah.

*i wish she was there by my side thay day..

2008-02-26T00:00:00.001+08:00

hooked to: hate that i love you - Rihanna & Ne-Yo

today, right now.. this very minute, this very second.. but it isnt gonna happen.. no matter how much i wish for it, its not gonna happen. all i can say is that im glad that i got to share those memories with you.. those memories that i'll hold so close.. right now, the only thing im thinkin of are the memories we've shared and it makes me smile.. and if you ask me.. this is my answer.. yes, i still do and i always will..

*2 years..

2008-02-24T20:17:00.002+08:00

hooked to: time & confusion - Anberlin

ok, Meza Virs was fuckin awesome yesterday at Deafcon10. their new track is a fuckin killer, i swear. now i cant wait for their release of their 2nd album. anyways, todays jammin went pretty smooth. we found a new place to jam at, pretty near my place anyways. the studio is pretty good, nice room, good amps, awesome equipment. basically we jammed 3 of our originals to prep up for the recordin on tuesday. just the drum tracks though. then we'll record the guitar tracks on our own. yep yep. just cant wait to hear the final product.

*it was unexpected.. but definitely a pleasant surprise..

2008-02-22T23:20:00.002+08:00

hooked to: breathe easy - Blue

today has been a long long day. was at Palawan beach with ezra, martien and natasher. it was freakin hot i swear. we couldnt even play american football passin on the sand, scorchin man.. well, we happened to witness a chikopek watchin a lesbo couple. i swear, i wouldve thrown the ball straight into his face if ezra would let me. cant stand perverts like him.. anyways, i met up with the girl-bestie at cityhall to have coffee. we just talked and yah, i kinda told her about last nights thing.. though i didnt intend to tell her in the first place.. didnt even realise that i did until i got home.. yah, i guess the topic made things abit awkward.. sighh.. anyways, we had dinner at KFC before headin back. bumped into her sister when i was sendin her home. she seemed shocked to see us. hahha..

*im tryin my best, but it kills me inside..

2008-02-21T22:48:00.002+08:00

hooked to: arrow - Mr. Big

im so darn tired, but i cant get to sleep.. i guess its another one of those nights again.. sighh.. well, gymed with martien and ezra today. they actually came up with a gym routine. it was pretty tough, but we're still survivin. we laughed so much today. funny thing is, most of the jokes are targeted at each one of us. hahha..

honestly, im not exactly in a good mood now. i just.. i dont know.. everythin seemed fine at first.. then it started to feel wrong.. sighh.. im feelin so fucked up inside right now.. im so angry and pissed with everythin now.. so many things i wanna throw out right now, but theres no one to listen.. yah, i have my bestfriends.. but its so different.. i cant let out everythin to them.. i just miss havin someone special there for me.. argh!! i gotta snap outta this..

*i wanna give up so badly..

2008-02-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

hooked to: love song (the Cure cover) - Anberlin

aww man.. im feelin really tired.. shouldnt have slept so late last night. i slept at 4.30am!! ahh well.. met up with tharen and a few others to film a CSI comedy of our own. hahha. freakin funny shit i swear!! it'll be up on youtube once its done. oh yes, we have another name change for the band. came up with Stillborn. sounds pretty awesome. a little gruesome but what the heck. mhmm.. and oh crap.. my guitar skills dropped again.. shouldve practised for the past few days.. shall get back to it i guess..

*whenever im alone with you, you make me feel like i am whole again..

2008-02-17T00:14:00.004+08:00

current music: go on girl - Ne-Yo

holyshit.. the first trainin today was super madness. i have my arms, back, shoulder, legs and even my bum hurtin!! but it was pretty fun. yep yep. but the trainin made me late to meet the girl-bestie. she looked WHOOH!! darn pretty today. heh. yep, we went to catch Jumper and had dinner together. it always feels so nice to be out with her.. it was great, really. mhmm

*i wish for more, but i wouldnt ask..

2008-02-14T21:31:00.003+08:00

current song: paper thin hymn - Anberlin

today hasnt been a good day at all.. i knew it wouldnt be.. i just want it to be over.. i really do..

*love? how can i believe in somethin that betrayed me twice?

2008-02-13T23:01:00.002+08:00

current music: we dont have to take our clothes off - Jermaine Stewart

today was alright.. but now its another one of those nights.. im losin all my self-confidence.. i havent been myself lately.. maybe the loneliness really got to me.. or maybe i just want to forget............

2008-02-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

current song: green-tinted sixties mind - Mr. Big

seriously, im dead tired. but i cant seem to get to bed. sighh.. anyways, i slept over at martiens place yesterday. it was alright i guess. just that swimmin was darn cold!! hahha. yah.. woke up today and came home to pack up for gym. which we ended up not goin cause ezra had a dental appointment and martien had to meet nat. yah.. its alright though, already set up the pull-up bar in my room. i can do pull ups anytime i want at home now. heh. yepyep.. oh yes, happy birthday tharen!!

*its another one of those nights.. when will i stop feelin like that? when? when..?

2008-02-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

current music: the whole world's gonna know - Mr. Big

"no", she replied to my question. sighh.. just because of that, i messed up the friendship too.. seriously, i wish things didnt turn out that way.. well, im just glad things are fine now. what happened made me realised its funny how someone will see how much somethin means to him only after its gone. mhmm.. so right now, im gonna treasure that friendship that she and i have. not just that, but everythin else too. so yep. from now on, i'll treat myself better. hmm im grateful to have sucha nice bestbro and god-family. hahah. theyve been so nice to me. sighh.. actually, i have a pretty nice life. its time i appreciate it properly. oh yes, and im really thankful to have friends like nailah and wafah. who listened to my problems when im down

*to you - im really happy that we can still be friends. i'll still always be there for you like i promised.

2008-02-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

current song: anything for you - Mr. Big

ahh crap.. im down with a flu. *sniff* this seriously suck.. it better not affect my sleep for the night. well. todays jammin went pretty alright i must say, even though we were missin our vocalist and bassist. managed to complete a new track and half of another new track. looks like we're doin well. JT told me what happened.. sighh.. people these days just dont appreciate what they have, they just wat more and better things.. chill aite dude. looks like i found a job, its an odd job though. at least i'll earn a little bit to put in my bank. gettin so broke these days.. darn.. oh well.. i guess i'll go rest now. *sniff*

*i need you, so darn much.. but somehow, i feel im not the best for you..

2008-02-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

current song: right here waiting - Richard Marx

today has been one of the happiest days i had for a while. yep, i met up with her today. we couldnt decide on what to watch, so we ended up watchin Sweeney Todd. it was pretty good, only problem is that its pretty much a musical so yep.. well.. we left for Cityhall because she needed to collect her pay. but we met up with JJ before we went. yepyep. JJ left afterwards and we went to grab a drink at the foodcourt. next stop was Suntec. we went around searchin for an ink refill for her printer. man it was a tough one to find but we managed to find it at HarveyNorman. thank goodness we did because she looked pretty upset that we couldnt find it. yep we just walked around and left for home. and just before we part, i did somethin pretty silly.. though i dont regret it.

2008-01-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

current music: love song - the Cure

i guess i'll do one entry before i go to bed. yesterdays gig was awesome. had lotsa fun and bruises too. hahha.. oh well.. Meza Virs was really awesome, so was Truth Be Known, Bhelliom and last but not least, Anthelion. took a few pictures with Anthelion, its all one friendster. well.. today wasnt much. it was pretty much borin. im kinda startin to hate weekends actually.. oh well.. actually you know what? im not in the mood to blog, i dont know why the fuck im here.. so yes, goodnight

*where were everyone when i need them the most.. maybe livin in my own world and shuttin out everyone and everythin else is not sucha bad idea.. at least i wont have my hopes crushed anymore

2008-01-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

current music: no promises - Shayne Ward

hello people. been awhile huh? yah i know.. oh well.. today has been pretty interestin. started off pretty disgustin though. ran to the bathroom first thing when i woke up. darn stomach ache, i even went twice. ergh.. well, met nai to watch Saw4. its funny how shes afraid of the freaky doll from Saw. hahha. yah, we just chatted a little bit after that. went off to meet martien in cityhall and oh my god.. there was this freaky guy to came up to us and gave a retarded smilin face and startin buzzin at us. i started laughin like shit cause it looked so retarded. hahha. yah, we just chilled around cityhall area, caught up and stuff.. sighh, its the night again.. just like every other nights..

*exactly another month to 2 years. but i doubt it matters anymore.. i just wish....

2008-01-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

current song: arrow - Mr. Big

i just realise how unfair ive been to some of my friends, especially my bandmates. ive been losin my temper so much these days. i can say ive been pretty violent too. sighh.. i dont know what happened to me. i guess too many things happened in this past few months.. i'll try my best to chill from now on.. really.. all i can say is that im sorry bros.. and to you, i just wish i could be a much better friend. its just that my heart still.... well i guess i should go bathe now, just got home. here a lyrics of a really nice song im listenin to. enjoy (:

the clock is tickin on the table in my room.
funny how the time just slips away.
an ordinary simple man
whos lost a little piece of somethin.
hold my breath and close my eyes.
say a little prayer.

here we go again hello.
i didnt see the end and so the story goes.
how can i be cool? when i always play the fool..
i need a shot of love.
like an arrow through the heart.

my mind is open to the page of yesterday.
isnt it a crime how love can go.
i always knew there would come a day
when silence played the king of pain.
so i close my eyes and hold my breath.
and contemplate a change.

i have my faith in life.
i know the truth inside.
this time i swear its gonna be better.

2008-01-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

current music: happy ending - Avril Lavigne

ahh shit, i messed up my blog.. you guys wont be able to see my past entries. i dont know what happened to e template. idiot la.. oh well.. hmm today has been tirin. met up with martien to gym today. did a hell lot of crunches. yepyep. almost caught a movie today but we decided not to, need to save money you see.. yah, we had a freakin early dinner and we just talked and caught up a littl bit. and yah just walked while e wait for nats work to end. almost went to do a brow piercin man.. hmm still thinkin if i should..

*you were everythin, everythin that i wanted.we were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it. all of the memories so close to me just fade away.. all these time you were pretendin, so much for my happy endin..

2008-01-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

current music: the sound of muzak

gosh.. im finally back home.. yah well, todays jammin has been unsuccessful. not only tharen said he would be late, he didnt turn up at all. both jt and i were bloody pissed.. ahh well.. he did have a good excuse though. damn transit changed out student travel fare to adult fare just today. i swear the government is just bloody brainless i dont care if i get caught or not, i mean seriously. those who just graduated are still waitin for our results. how the heck do we know if we're goin to poly, JC or retainin.. you fools do nothin but take more and more from the people. throw me in if you want, but this is just unfair. i swear money is just full of troubles.

well, i had another dream about her last night. in this dream, we got back together.. all i could remember was that and touchin her beautiful face and holdin her close.. sighh.. i was happy of course. but if only i could continue dreamin forever..

*im scared.. ive already lost you once.. i dont wanna lose you for good..

2008-01-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

current music: all out of love - Olivia

today was pretty interestin i must say. followed florence to ngee ann poly to watc her do some filmin thing for her friends class project. it took really long though. yah.. there was this pretty girl who was actin too. she looks pretty plastic actually. prithi and i were like talkin about how competable that girl and christian is. hahha. darn funny. yah.. that was basically my day. pretty borin right? yah i know..

you know, i had a dream last night.. it was about her of course.. in the dream i was walkin to somewhere until i had a sudden high fever that made me collapse. i swear i felt my life fadin away until i opened my eyes and saw her standin over me, cryin and worried.. you know, i thought i would be happy, but instead seein her cryin is worse than all the pain ive felt and i just wished for her to stop the tears.. the dream was all i needed.. yah, i know its lame.. but it felt so real to me, like she does still care and was there.. sighh..

*everyone tells me you know how im feelin.. but do you really??