.. What has become of me ..

Monday, August 18, 2008

song: menghapus jejakmu - PeterPan

looks like its another day wasted today. didnt even get any work done. i didnt even try.. sighh.. i really gotta get started or im gonna fail my exams. and right now, i really cant afford that. well ive been like sick for the past 3 days.. the worse was yesterday when my nose just wouldnt stop gettin stuck and i couldnt stop coughin. had to get one of those nose inhaler thingys to help unblock my nose. it kinda makes me feel like one of those ahpeks. hahaha. anyways, been stayin away from home and hangin out with the guys alot. startin to really dislike bein at home with people around. i know i shouldnt be doin this to my family, but i just dont feel that its a family anymore.. maybe its just me.. anyways, finally got to talk to a friend today, after so long.. but somehow, i feel shes just tryin to get away from me.. i hope my gut feelin turns out to be wrong. oh man.. its rainin and im freezin!!

*its time for me to take some time, to find myself again..

20:50

Saturday, August 16, 2008

song: always be my baby - David Cook

i feel like ive been goin out so often to get away from thinkin about a lot of things. but yesterday, i realised, theres no point.. those things always find a way back to me somehow. the only way i can get stop this is to face it and deal with it. honestly ive been tryin.. i just hope i dont give up tryin..

*ive never liked this song.. it was playin everywhere i went and i just cant help but to think of you again. sighh.. get a grip on yourself lyon.. its time to move on..

12:36

Monday, August 11, 2008

song: love you to death - Kill Hannah

"The craziest thing I have done for love is..
to make a custom-made teddy bear with my own recorded voice saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!! I LOVE YOU!!" for the girl i love, in the middle of the crowd and giving it to her for her birthday."
Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008.
Originator blog: http://matthew-zachary.blogspot.com/

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HELLO. You can earn a chance to catch the movie, "Wall-E" with us! Doesnt matter if you dont know Matthew because I will be there. Haha xD What you basically have to do is to post an entry on YOUR BLOG recounting the craziest thing you have done for love, signing off with "Catch Wall-E in cinemas from 28 August 2008." and then linking to Matthew's blog (http://matthew-zachary.blogspot.com) as the originator of the blog. And you are done! So basically, you can just copy and paste whatever I typed above the dashes and change whatever in italic to whatever applies to you.The winner will be determined by the most number of people who linked to his or her blog as the originator, thus forming the longest "chain". The competition ends on 11th August (2359hrs)!You can leave a tag/msg me on MSN after you done so! :DBlog and link him now!We might all get to catch the movie together for free!
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ok, i dunno how this works.. but yah, shall just give it a try. hahah Wall-E looks pretty cute to be honest.. haahhah.

23:39

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

song: welcome home - Coheed and Cambria

im like hell tired but ive got so much to do. by right, i shouldnt be wastin time on this entry but i guess i just cant seem to concentrate. yesterday was just so screwed up.. problems after problems after problems. sighh.. i dont know.. i guess there are alot of things that i shouldve avoided doin. erghh!! i had a good talk with a friend last night. we were suppose to be talkin about her problems, but it seemed to lead to my problems too. i feel really bad for bringin up my problems. and its the same one over and over again. shes right, its time to really let go. theres no hope between my ex and i, i know there isnt and its time i accepted that fact for real. sighh.. i wish someone would just lend me a hand and pull me out of this.. there was one person who was really there for me, and i pushed her away.. things would have been tough between us, but she always did stuck by me every single time.. i guess im in this on my own. i can do it.. i hope i can..

*i'll never understand whats goin through your mind.. and its time i try harder to let you go. i'll always remember every moment spend together with you, i hope you'll treasure those times too. as long as youre happy..

22:32

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

feelin: shitty

today is just so messed up.. im feelin so screwed up right now. ergh, and i still have to stress over WDS.. sighh.. this mornin, i had a conflict with a classmate. i admit it was my fault for insultin her to my friends. i know it was somethin really mean and im really feelin sorry and guilty over it. but she really shouldnt have done the things she did. she really shouldnt have picked on another classmate and say mean things to her and she couldve been less selfish and more polite. i mean seriously, there are always reasons why people dont like someone. you just have to find out what it is and if its true, admit it. and please, im not upset over the class rep position because i didnt wanna be the class rep in the first place.. if you happen to be readin this, dont be so quick to get angry, understand the situation first. if im wrong, tell me i am.

more problems came up just when i thought i could get away from everythin when i got home. sighh.. looks like the pressure is on me again. how the hell can i make things better when i made promises before? i wish i could just snap my fingers and make everythin better, but im not a God.. i would if i am a God, but im not. i still dont understand how someone can do this to a person who loves her so much..

17:55

Sunday, August 03, 2008

song: the sound of muzak - Porcupine Tree

ive found out and realised a lot of things lately. everythin juz disappoint me these days. the people i thought i knew for so long, changed so rapidly. theyve changed into people ive never met before, like random people you see on the streets. and its amazin how they could treat someone and act the way they do now. "amazin" isnt the right word, "disappointin" fits in better..

i know that everyone is somehow selfish to a certain extend.. but to abandon someone to save yourself?? i dont know how someone can actually do that.. maybe i do.. i admit that im capable of that and might have done that before.. but the guilt always sets in.. and it stays there.. people do not realise how it affects the people they abandon. they think they can just leave whenever they feel things are gettin to tough. what ever happened to "i'll always be by your side"? lies..

lies and more lies.. people never mean it when they say "i cant imagine my life without you", "i'll always be there to love you".. hey, one advice, dont say it if you dont mean it. you people have no idea how it can affect someones life when you leave that person. if you truely love someone, all you ever need to say is simple "i love you". do not give promises that you will not keep.

and why do people always want more and more. why cant they just be happy with what they have? yah, its in human nature to be greedy. but dont use that as an excuse. humans can make choices. its always your choice that ultimately affects the outcome.

regrets? come on man.. people say that they regret somethin, but do they actually learn their lesson?? many do not. i know so many people who never do. whats the point of lyin to people. maybe you feel better sayin it out and tryin to lie to yourself. save it, seriously. im sick and tired of people who dont mean half the shit they say.

im just so angry and disappointed in everyone, includin myself. ive seen the ugly side of people. what they can say or do.. even the nicest person turns ugly on the inside sometimes.. im really tired.. im tired of people not tryin.. im tired of people who knows what they should do but never does it.. im tired of people who dont mean what they say.. and most of all, im sick and tired of people who cheat and lie to save their own ass.. im not sayin that im perfect, i know im not. people tell me im really nice, but they dont know all the negative things about me.. you people dont know me and will never understand me.

*i promised myself that that day would be the last.. but i still think about the times we had. and i still miss you. its about time i try harder to let go.. i know it'll be easier now, knowin that you dont...............

13:25