.. What has become of me ..

Thursday, April 24, 2008

song: all you wanted - Michelle Branch

ok, my toe is officially screwed. i should REALLY see a doctor about it. not now though, too many things to do. well.. tomorrow is it.. i made a promise to myself that whatever happens tomorrow, im gonna stay calm and say my piece. i should really lay everythin out, whether its pleasant or not.. and at the end of the day, its gonna end right there. no more of this, i had enough of thinkin about this.. and i had enough of hurtin and upsettin her. they were all right, if i really do love her, i should just let her go. and this time, i will..

*i know youre unhappy about al these.. i understand why.. but even if you wanna be angry with me, at least try to understand what i say..

20:27

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

song: lelaki ini - Anuar Zain

ok, basically im bloggin right now cause im like really bored. im kinda sleepy actually, but yah, i'll sleep right after this. anyways, school ended early today. im startin to like not, pay attention in class. shit, not good!! i better concentrate more. been laughin to much with the guys. hahah. anyways, met up with tricia, nessa and jhansi!! omg, i been so long since i saw them. we watched Definitely, Maybe. interestin story really. heh. sathsih joined us afterwards and yeah, we had dinner at burger king(though trish and nessa call it hungry jacks in aussie). yah, they had to go back early cause of their retardedly crazy parents. so yah, sathish and i met mathan in town to like follow him get some stuff. and after a LONG walk in art-friend, we finally left for kfc at cineleisure. yes, i was hungry again. hahha. yah.. had a few good laughs before headin back home. im really tired and im not lookin forward to tomorrows schedule..

*things between us hasnt been good these few days.. and i know i caused all of it.. ive made up my mind, it'll end in 2 days..

23:51

Sunday, April 20, 2008

i just got home from havin my belated bday with her. honestly, i wish for more but this is enough. i mean, all i wanted to just to spend my birthday only with her and i just did. so i wont complain at all.. well, we met up at raffles place mrt and headed to one fullerton starbucks to watch a movie on my laptop. Freedom Writers, that was the title. it was good, i kinda like it. yah.. anyways, we were suppose to have dinner at coffee club but they closed early. so after walkin through boat quay, we ended up havin dinner at some seafood restaurant. we ordered like thai style fried rice, sambal prawns and chilli crab. it was pretty good food, but expensive too. yah, they didnt accept nets so i had to run to withdraw cash. funny thing is, i asked them twice before we went in and they said they do. stupid.. anyways, we kinda went back after dinner. i was a great birthday really..

i asked her a question. and right now im still thinkin about it. should i? maybe its better for her if i do.. but if i do, its gonna hurt me more than anythin else in the world..

*one has to be sacrificed in order for the other to be happy.. but can i really say goodbye?

01:05

Friday, April 18, 2008

song: how could you - Mario

im dead tired. 3 days of the orientation camp just ended.. i guess im startin to warm up to everythin there, the people, my class and the place. yah.. i kinda like my class actually. there are people i can talk to, though there are some who somehow dislikes me. actually, i kinda feel that most of the people i meet dont really like me.. paranoid? oh well.. anyways, i danced again(yes, i know i said i would never again, but meh) at the jam&hop after the camp. pretty fun i guess, though i gotta admit i still cant dance.. oh well..

i just found out about it.. more like confirmed.. i dont deny that im jealous, upset and really hurt.. it dont deny it.. i wish i could just cry everythin out and hope i'll feel better. but i cant, nothin came out. as much as it hurts, i have to take another step back..

*its still a long way to go, anythin can happen.. but no matter what happens in the future, that one girl i love will always be you..

23:23

Sunday, April 13, 2008

songs: always - Bon Jovi
i dont wanna miss a thing - Aerosmith

these 2 songs.. hah.. such wonderful memories.. i asked a friend to describe me. both the good and bad things about me. i dont wanna talk about the good things about myself. just the flaws.. my friend told me just a few, but i have a few of my own to add.. so.. here it goes..

1) im too gullible. how true is that?? hahha. i think i can be a real fool at times. maybe thats why i can never tell what someone is thinkin, what someone wants, what someone really means.

2) im way too sensitive to certain things. all these weird thoughts and ideas just come flashin through my head.

3) so when im sensitive, i tend to over react and be pretty rush with my decisions. i wont be able to sit and think for a second. and at times i these, i end up annoyin certain people.

4) i always have choices with both good and bad outcomes, dependin on my choices. but most of the time, i choose those with bad outcomes. not by accident though. i know it'll end up horrible, but i take the risk anyways.. and for that, im a fool.

5) and lastly, this one is special. its actually somethin good about me, but at the same time its one of my greatest flaws. not bein able to let go. this got me into a lot of trouble on a few occasions, but i never learn my mistake. it keeps happenin over and over again.

so yah.. bet all of you will agree to that.. i just wish i can do so much more to be better..

*its gonna be a letdown..

21:15

Saturday, April 12, 2008

im bein sensitive again.. im over reactin again.. and people cant stand that.. i gotta stop bein like this.. as much as i wanna wait, i gotta stop havin my hopes up too high..

How Do I Breathe - Mario
it feels so different being here, i was so used to being next to you..
life for me is not the same, theres no one to turn to..
i dont know why i let it go too far. starting over, its so hard..
seems like everywhere i try to go, i keep thinking of you..

girl im losin my mind. yes i made a mistake.
i thought that you would be mine. guess the joke was on me.
i miss you so bad, i cant sleep. i wish i knew where you could be.
another dude is replacing me, God this cant be happening.

i cant get over you. no, baby i dont wanna let go.
no, girl you need to come home. girl come back to me
'cause girl you made it hard to breathe when youre not with me.

how do i breathe without you here by my side?
how will i see when your love brought me to the light?
where do i go when your heart's where i lay my head?
when youre not with me, how do I breathe.. how do I breathe?

16:04

Friday, April 11, 2008

i need to blog.. i need to let it out.. i feel like ive been stripped off everythin once again.. i feel.. i cant take it anymore.. i can only blame it on myself for hopin.. i said i wont, but i did.. i wanna be alone.. wait, i already am alone..

*im tired.. i dont wanna be here anymore..

21:50

Thursday, April 10, 2008

song: let me love you - Mario

finally jammed at JT studios with the whole band again. been awhile man. fun fun. we compose 3 brand new songs just today. seriously, you can see how fast we're progressin. its encouragin really. and addin on to it is us bein able to play Crystal Mountain by Death. its not perfect, but we can do it!! yah.. we had dinner at LJS and hung around the park near jiatings place. we took quite a number of retarded pics. hahha. will upload them below. heh

*will you be there with me on that day..? i hope so..

[[ the lil boy in me ]]

[[ yes, thats a cig. yes, im fakin it. no, i DO NOT smoke ]]

[[ druggies ]]

[[ ok, what the hell is this monkey tryin to do?? ]]

[[ the retarded bunch. best pic of the day ]]

02:05

Monday, April 07, 2008

song: endless love - Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey

woke up at 12 today feelin really drained.. i think its because ive been doin nothin at all.. or maybe its because im "sick". sighh.. anyways, met up with florence and sureli for a little while. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SURELI!! hahha. was just chattin with them until ezra came. had some korean food, bibimbab, at far east. i think the one at marina square was better. anyways, ezra and i left for simlim to check out some computer stuffies and i ended up buyin a speaker set. its pretty worth it actually. the bass is darn good!! im actually enjoyin it now. so yep, tts my day basically.

*im missin you so darn much right now

22:05

Friday, April 04, 2008

song in my head: avatars of human blasphemy - Stillborn

avatars is done finally!! well my part only. but at least thats one load off my mind.. woke up at 6.30am today. had a really restless night. slept pretty early, loads earlier than usual actually. i was really tired, mentally tired.. sighh.. anyways, after loads of plan changes, we finally decide to finish our recordin and yep, we're more or less done. met JT and waisun for dinner with tharen at botak jones, had a drink after and chatted a little before meetin the st pats guys to chill for a little while.. im tired again.. i hope tonight wont be another restless night again.. sighh..

is it possible for love to turn into obsession? am i obsessed? sighh..

*im thinkin too much again.. sighh..

22:44

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

song in my head: i swear - Boys II Men

ok my toe looks disgustin right now. it started bleedin again for no darn reason!! maybe i should just cut it off aye? argh.. anyways, todays jammin got cancelled and boy, jiating was pissed. oh well.. this isnt the first time anyways. so yah, i decided to meet ezra for lunch then chill out at his house. yah, we just chilled and stuff.. his dog got outta her cage and ran outta the house to take poop and came back in. hahha. how smart is that. hmm met up with the st pats guys after that to chill somemore. i seriously need somethin to do, as in somethin useful!! and i ate so much just now. seriously need to do somethin about that. hahha.

i realised ive been listenin an awful lot of love songs. especially the older ones.. well, this song "i swear" kinda gives me this image in my head. just she and i on the dancefloor, dancin slowly to this song. aye.. what a silly thing to think about huh.. sighh.. i know.. i guess that'll only happen in my dreams..

*and when just the two of us are there. you wont have to ask if i still care. 'cus as the time turns the page, my love wont age at all..

22:58